Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness

This evening, as I walked along Bishopsgate in the evening rush hour, I realised I was singing to myself. Singing...Out loud... Then I laughed, which didn't do much to reassure the throngs of commuters that I was of sound mind, and continued to smile to myself as I reflected about just how far I'd come in the last year.

You see, I haven't been particularly happy. In fact, that's not entirely true: there have been times when I've been completely crying-in-the-ladies' miserable. Eighteen months ago I was in an unhappy relationship. On the surface we had it all: two young City professionals; five 'Mr and Mrs Smith' holidays per year; dining out twice a week; 'treats' being delivered to the office (where else? I used to joke about sending out 'change of address' cards...) on a regular basis. But beneath the rampant consumerism and gloss, we rarely saw each other and really weren't suited (in my opinion, anyway). So, one particularly messy and protracted break-up later, I was safely installed in my little bachelorette pad. Problem solved.

Except that it wasn't. I knew I didn't enjoy my job, but I wasn't really sure how much of my unhappiness was work-related and how much ex-boyfriend-related. Looking back, I think it was about 50/50. During my two years at law school and four years in law firms, I have often had doubts about how suited I was to life as a City lawyer, but when it comes down to it, I've proven that I can do it... I just don't want to. I don't enjoy it nearly enough to want to sacrifice all the other great things life has to offer for a six-figure salary and 25 days' holiday per year (assuming that you don't have to cancel it because someone you've met once (and don't really like) wants to buy a shopping centre in Leeds...).

One day last summer, Christine, one of the secretaries in my department, approached me and said, 'You did an English degree, didn't you?'. Christine was doing an OU English degree and was struggling with her Shakespeare paper. She asked me to take a look at the essay she was due to submit that evening to see if I could suggest any improvements. English has always been my passion and I can honestly say that marking-up that Shakespeare essay was the most enjoyable thing I have ever done in a law firm. Don't get me wrong: Christine had done all of the hard work; my role was simply to point out where she had wandered off-topic and might want to phrase things differently. Still. It was a turning point.

I think I have always known that I would like to be an English teacher someday; last summer I decided that 'someday' was now. So here I am, ten months later and I have recently found out that I've been fortunate enough to have been offered a place on a PGCE English course. Big changes are afoot: not only will I be leaving gainful employment to commence my twenty-first year of full-time education(!); I will also be leaving London for life in rural NI in my childhood home...(there could be some very interesting blog posts in the future...).

Getting back to this evening: I have a list (I'm all about the lists) of people that I want to see before I leave London and tonight I had dinner with five (one was unfortunately still chained to her desk) of the girls I trained to be a solicitor with. It was a lot of fun. I hadn't seem some of them for a long time and I had begun to make my peace with the fact that our friendship was over, but, for the moment at least, there were renewed vows to keep in touch and we even filmed each of us saying where we hoped to be in ten years (there was a lot of laughing at that!).

They all said that I looked and seemed happier (this is rapidly becoming a common theme in conversations I've been having) and, the best part is, I really feel it and I haven't (yet) regretted resigning for a single second. I know English teaching isn't a panacea for all ills, but I think I feel better because I'm (finally) on the right track. So here's to the pursuit of happiness!

C